Month: May 2006

Itā€™s the wind.

Momā€™s having a rather hard time trying to cut the umbilical cord. I donā€™t blame her, if I had a daughter Iā€™d probably behave like her, maybe worse. Which is why I really donā€™t plan on having daughters. Once, I played some silly game of fortune telling with my friends. The game was supposed to tell you the sex and number of children youā€™ll have in the future by observing the movement of a ring suspended mid air with a strand of hair. I played it for 4 times and all the outcomes were stubbornly ā€œtwo girlsā€.

I stubbornly maintain that it was the windā€™s fault. Ideally, Iā€™d like to have 3 boys. Four males to dote on me. Oops, I think Iā€™ve just given away the real reason why I wanted boysā€¦..

Iā€™ll be rather busy in the next two weeks and more after. Finally, some real errands to run. Perhaps then Iā€™ll have more interesting things to write about here. Iā€™m kind of tired of trying to squeeze my shrivelled pea of a brain for blogging inspiration. So I threw Poonani Kiwi into the limelight.

Poonani Kiwi is my muse and alter ego in my imaginary world. She hates attention, hates people pleasers, hates makeup, hates stupid people in general, hates balless fucktards and hates people with no fucking opinions. And I think she hates me too for subjecting her to eating penguin, penguinā€™s boobs no less, for survival (because she would have been be able to survive in the jungle on ants), but I was in terrible need of a laugh.

Anyway, while my life is supposedly falling into place, new concerns are cropping up by the second. Whatā€™s new, right?

Juicy mess.

We have this nifty little no-frills food processor at home. It does almost everything, including juicing. So yesterday, we decided to juice up all the oranges and apples that have been left to rot in the fridge for the past 2 months.

I cut the fruits up while he threw them into the mouth of the machine. Everything was fine and dandyā€¦.we tasted the juice along the way and it was yummy.

Then it was time to get ride of the pulp for the next batch of fruits. So he unscrewed the cap and proceeded to pour the pulp onto his palm. There were more pulp and juice then his hand could cradle, so he panicked and immediately held the jar upright again, which got more juice on the kitchen floor.

(-_-ā€)

After cleaning up the mess, we continued with the juicing. This time we decided to throw in some ice, for some homemade slurpee. It was successful. He unscrewed the cap, tasted the concoction with a spoon. Wah very nice, he thought. So excited he immediately detach the container from the deck. You know those blenders that you have to twist the container to get the blades spinning. Yes we bought one of those.

Before I knew it, we had orange slurpee splattered all over the kitchen floor and fridge and toaster and kettle. I glared at him and told him that heā€™s like a little ā€œkid rascal I want to scream at so badlyā€. He just smiled sheepishly.

I poured the orange slurpee (that managed to remain in the container) into a glass, walked to the computer room, sat down and surfed. Tried to coax myself into a zen state of mind.

After a while, he called me and asked me to go to the kitchen. It was sparkling. Iā€™ve got to admit, heā€™s much better at cleaning up than me.

Poonani Kiwi: Lost in Jungle

Poonani Kiwi, the bandit queen of the town hidden away from peace loving and environmentally unconscious societies has loitered away from her town right into the biggest, scariest, greenest and most tropical jungle.

She walked and she walked, hoping to stumble back into her town but to no avail. Occasionally, creatures of the jungle roof would startle her and she would look up menacingly to scare away whatever it was.

After walking for days, with no food supplies but only a hammer, she noticed a weird creature on the ground of the biggest, scariest, greenest and most tropical jungle. Lo and behold, it was a penguin. Not just any penguin, but a cellulite ridden penguin adorned with pearls with the most massive boobs Poonani Kiwi has ever seen on a penguin.

Now Poonani Kiwi has not eaten for many days. Naturally, she was starving like an Ethiopian child. The moment she set eyes on the penguin, her stomach gave out the most horrifying growl in the entire jungleā€™s history. Even the jungle spirits were spooked.

With her hammer, she approached the cellulite ridden penguin adorned with pearls with the most massive boobs. In her mind, she had only one objective. To kill and feast.

The penguin, upon seeing Poonani Kiwiā€™s maniac expression knew instantly what was befalling her. Penguin ran. Penguin screamed for her dear life.

But Poonani Kiwi was simply too fast for the puny penguin. It didnā€™t help matter that her massive boobs were slowing her down. Alas, Poonani Kiwi caught the penguin.

With one strike to the head, Poonani Kiwi killed the penguin.

The penguin was a good catch indeed. Its massive boobies managed to feed Poonani Kiwi for 3 whole weeks. Poonani Kiwi never stopped walking. She walked and she ate the penguinā€™s boobs. Then she walked more and ate more penguinā€™s boobs. Sometimes she slept too but it wasnā€™t a very common activity.

One day, as she walked, the greeneries began to fade and eventually she saw a building. It was nothing similar to the buildings in her town but she was happy as she knew she would soon see some human faces.

Poonani Kiwi saw a logo on the walls of the building and wondered what it was. She has arrivedā€¦ā€¦..

ā€¦..at the land where peace loving and environmentally unconscious societies reside. And then she fainted out of sheer exhaustion. Nobody heard from Poonani Kiwi ever again.

The truth was, a kind couple had taken Poonani Kiwi. Perhaps extremely traumatised by her experience in the biggest, scariest, greenest and most tropical jungle, she had lost her memory. The kind couple treated her like their own daughter. Today, Poonani Kiwi has developed a taste for champagne and chicken wings.

However, it remained a mystery to her as to why everytime she saw a penguin on television, she felt like reaching into the box to grab the creature and chew on it.

THE END