How do you define a friend? Who are your friends to you? Are they a source of comfort or are they just people you add on Facebook?
This week I’ve had a couple of friends confiding to me about their problems with their other friends. Some were purely misunderstandings, which is common in any relationship but then there are the serious ones which beckon the question: Why are they psychotic people in this world?
These people use and abuse their friends, spread lies to gain trust and play friends against each other just so they could be everybody’s best buddy. These people boast about their capabilities to help you but although finally end up with none of their promises materialised, they are still thick-faced enough to set you on a guilt-trip to help them because their intentions to help you in the first place were “pure and honest”?
Seriously, is there some sort of chemical imbalance in their brains? Is it upbringing? Is it something in their DNAs? I really don’t know but what I do know is that I’m appalled beyond comprehension by the behaviour of these people.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I don’t claim to be the best person to be friends with. I am callous, I am bitchy to a fault, I cuss all the time, I’m embarrassing when drunk, I have ego the size of Jupiter and recently, I’m so incredibly stingy that “Kimberly” is becoming the new “scrooge”. But despite all that, I can’t imagine ever in my life to lie to a friend about another friend because I yearn to be his or her best friend? I can’t involve my friends in business deals that don’t benefit each other. I can’t ever put my friends in a position where they’ll be pressured to pay for anything that benefits me. I won’t offer to help my friends in anything unless I know for a fact that I’m really capable of doing so because I don’t want to put my friends in a position where they are afraid of offending me in case they chose somebody else more capable to help them. And more importantly, I don’t want them to lose an opportunity to be helped better because they accepted an offer from someone less capable like me.
And why do I have all these personal rules? Well, simply because I don’t ever want to be at the receiving ends in the situations above. Because it’s common sense. Because friends don’t lure you into a tight spot. Friends don’t use you for personal or business gains. Friends don’t act all nice and kind in front of you but make up nasty stories about you to other people. Friends are naturally proud for you if you achieved something good. Friends are supposed to make you happy, not constantly worried about what kind of stupid shit they’re going to come out with next.
I’m very lucky that I have a group of close-knitted friends whom I trust 100%. Recently, I had some friendship problems of my own too. There was a pair of two-faced couple who almost ruined my group of friends with lies, tricks and more lies but I’m glad to say that they have been successfully weeded out and banished from our lives forever. So what I want to say to those friends who confided in me, don’t lose hope. We all meet psychotic people at various points of our lives but they come and go. Just focus on your real friends who will stick by you through thick and thin.
That said, if you have difficulty of retaining any true friend for more than 1 year, seriously you should get yourself admitted into a psychotic hospital you crazy assholes.
/like
Just don’t bother about these ppl. Btw, you’re not along :) I believe KY and myself felt your pain, right KY? LOL
not psychopath. sociopath. huai bin enlightened me about the real definition of it and characteristics. alot of the characteristics happen to fit what you just wrote about leh..
ya but ur refusal of letter ppl help u is robbing us ur would be presence in redang ver 2.0! change that!
If we’re normal kim, we would not have met. Our Gang is nowhere near normal and simple and having said that, is what carbon knitted us for eternity.
Oh well, we meet some, we lose some and we can actually win them all !!
Sigh friendship is the one thing that can break me worst than anything else. At the end of the day, it’s just safer to be selfish. But then again, it’s those u see still standing by that wall in front of u that are true friends. Heck, the ones holding a hammer to break that damn wall, best friends.
lol….ok i shouldnt laugh really because friends issues can run deep. cant say i havent got my fair share or still have. somehow i have learnt to ignore what is not good in my life, that is not to say i am completely uaaffected. anyway i digress…..just really liked this post of yours =) not really in the habit of leaving comments but i think i truly feel for this issue to care/ show support/ whatever it is u call it…..two thumbs up! dont do to others what u dont want done to u eh =p
well said.
like god says, carbon is normally consider waste, it is actually an element in making the steel stronger.
fietheelf: /thanks
galvin: yeah i think at least 20 ppl or so are not alone in this lol
aud: omg really satisfy all points under sociopaths!!!!
ky: i can live with that hehehe
god: and we rule em alllllll
ellie: agree with u. it’s hard to take when u give ur heart and trust to someone and they take you for a full, take advantage of u..shit like that. but all these lessons also makes it clearer who are your true friends.
charmaine: thanks for commenting finally :)yeah everybody has to move on and it’s really not worth it to spend any energy to mourn these scumbags of the earth.
horng: ok, thanks for your explanation on MSN hehe. I agree with u, it’s the ugly stuff that makes a true friendship stronger. im glad we went through this together :D
:) mwah
hate those 2 or more faces ppl… like what i said earlier, friendship is for sharing, caring and loving. A friendship is not for lying, cheating and using. the feeling is sucks and ugly… i totally hate it!
<3 you Kim… #porkgang ftw!!!
No wonder someone created a hate Tweet account lol.
I left that sort of rot behind in the school playground, where it belongs.
I don’t have any time for people who continue that sort of rot once they are adults.
Don’t they have a life?
well what can I say ? Flies are attracted to shit… so sometimes we need to look at ourselves in the mirror…. are we attracting flies?
cheesie: mwahs back
sotong: me too. porkgang ftw!
simon: well, no fire no smoke.
steve: agree. thats y can’t be bothered to be forgiving or understand their motivations or whatever. life is too short trying to figure out nasty ppl like that. the damage is done.
repoman: how about there are flies aspiring to be bees? from all the nasty comments u’ve left on my blog so far, i think the one stinking up people’s lives is really you.
All the nasty comments? Hmmm… i didn’t know I comment that much.
Well like I said. Sometimes, we really need to look in the mirror why we’re attracting flies.
But then again, maybe some prefer to live in their own world that they’re the victims.
:)
repoman: yes, you have been commenting that much that i notice. i dont know what about me that annoys you but your scathing sarcasm does not bode well with the issues in this blog post. your observation is not wrong in a general sense but if you insist on applying the same within this context, well maybe some people prefer to live in their own world in total denial of their victimisation. happy canoodling with your fake friends.
No kim. This is not about me. This is about you. Remember, what goes around, comes around. You’ve been very vocal on this blog and boasting of true/real friends and accusing other people as fakes. Remember, just because people aren’t in your circle, it does not mean they’re fake, and surely doesn’t mean you can treat people outside your close knit circle of friends with contempt. Your twitter spat with other people and then the need to come out with a full blog post to prove you actually have true ‘friends’ is a sign of a very insecure woman.
You’re becoming exactly like the people you accuse them of. You probably don’t realize already, you’re probably as fake as any other vain bloggers out there. :)
Your readers have eyes. Not everyone is going to say what you want to hear just to make you happy. Sometimes a little bit of truth is a good wake up call. If someone points out your flaw to you, he/she is probably a true friend, but you will not want this friend, because you’re probably not interested in true friends, but reassurance for your insecurity and questionable actions.
repoman: seriously, i don’t know which part of my posts indicate that i treat people out of my circle with contempt. i treat people who are fake with contempt, who were in my circle of friends and whom i had the misfortune of treating as friends. this is a blog and i voice out my opinions, that’s what i do but if that’s a sign of a fakeness & insecurity, okayyyyy i have no idea how you come to THAT conclusion but it’s okay, can’t please every damn person out there. your comments are bursting with presumptions, like you think you know me but you obviously don’t. twitter spats? well, same with my blog it’s an outlet of expression, so what if i bitch about any asshole or jackass i’ve had the misfortune of encountering out there? it’s a fast relief. so what if im happy with my friends and my life and i want to tell the world? it’s a blog/twitter. anyway, i agree and subscribe wholeheartedly with the last bit of your comment :) cheers and happy fiddling with your conspiracy theories.
Ignore that repoman whatever, I know what went down (cause I’m a busybody) and I think he’s totally off tangent and couldn’t be more wrong (about what he’s talking about) anyway, gosh. I can’t stand people who punctuate wrongly; I’m judgemental like that.
I don’t think your insecure, Kim, and I think you DO have true friends and you don’t need to deal with people who tell you otherwise.
<3
hehe, the only reason she has friends iz because they’re mostly friends of her bf and r forced to put up with her.
Who in the right mind can stand a Sarong Party Girl who disgraced herself on project Alpha with emo blackmailing tearz to get her boyfriend to marry her or else…..
Without him she iz nothing but another wannabe.
mell: thanks babe!
Keke: oh my gawd!!!! my secretz iz out! how u know one??
Kim, i agree with your comments. Had some friendship issue myself this year.. didn’t quite understand how a close friend (or perhaps some one whom i thought was close to me :-S) turn their back to you when they find new company. It broke me for a while but slowly i realised, it’s not really important to me anymore.. Thanks for enlightening me..:-)
I’m glad I’m not the only one going through shits like this. I have (or should I say HAD) a really really close friend I knew since I was a kid. She went through a lot for the past years, with her family and (ex)boyfriend etc. Every step of the way, I was there with her. She is still all over her ex and it is pathetic and sickening to see what a dog she is like to him. The most annoying part is, she treats him like gold and put him ahead of all her friends even when he is the one treating her like shit. When she’s upset about him, she completely shuts away all her friends, until the extend of not picking up calls, not replying texts, even deleting her own friends off facebook. She’s NEVER there when her friends need her. On top of living in denial, she lies her way though everything to simply make herself look like the most innocent angel when she is the one full of shit and dragging everyone who actually cares down with her. Not only she does not apologize for her wrongdoings, she even blame her own friends for things. So much for being a true friend huh. I hope you’ve found true friends and never experience what I had. I’m a frequent reader but this is the first time commenting and I think you’re one of the rare species of REAL people around and I thank you for that :) Take care.
one thing I’ve learned over the years, is that real friends will put up with your bullshit for as long as they can because they love you. And a broken friendship can be mended when apologies are made and forgiveness is extended. It doesn’t apply to everyone, but when rare gems like that does happen, you will know who your true friends really are. Real friends are like family :)
I feel you… coz I’ve experienced a few such friends, leeching on and etc… but having gone thru this makes us stronger and more well prepared to handle such idiots…
and at the same time, I consider myself very lucky coz I’ve got a bunch of really really close friends that are like family, and I would trust them my life even… =)
it balances out apparently…
flickchick: glad u’ve moved on. yeah those ppl are just passerbys :)
c: wow sounds like a proper toxic psycho! glad you’ve got rid of her!!!
steph: true that and can’t agree more on the part that real friends are like family :)
dreckker: yeah it’s a lesson learnt, there’s always a silver lining after all the shit ;)
I’d like to plow you doggy-style for about 1 to 2 hours.