The topic of having children have come up multiple times during my almost decade-old relationship with Gareth. Very early on, we decided that we would put off having children for as long as possible for a few reasons – too expensive, too inconvenient, too much work, too painful etc etc etc.
Our beliefs were further reinforced after we got Charlie, our dog. It was quite tough having Charlie at first. As a puppy, he pooped and peed everywhere, he vomited after every meal due to his fish allergy and he howled or barked the entire time he’s left alone at home. So many times I toyed with the idea of giving him away! Thanks to Charlie, we just naturally figured that having a human child would entail all those problems, times a million.
# – Wanted to throw this furry ball away when he was a puppy.
I was never good with babies or young children anyway. I didn’t find them particularly endearing. Sure, there had been kids who were just adorable and had managed to occupy my attention for more than 10 minutes, but I’d eventually lose interest. I actually dreaded going to baby full moon parties because I fear that the parents would expect me to carry their precious newborns!
If I saw a friend pushing a baby stroller in a mall or something, I would deliberate walk the opposite direction to avoid having conversations about babies.
Gareth, on the other hand, is far more accepting of having children. I knew very early on that despite my reservations, I will want to have babies for his sake, but on the condition that I get to cut it out of my belly while I was 100% knocked out. Yeap, “cut it out”. Verbatim.
I also accidentally exclaimed to a then-acquaintance-now-friend, that I will only go for c-sections because I do not want a mangled vagina. This friend, upon hearing those words that came out of my mouth, told me, very stoically, that she does not have a mangled vagina after giving birth naturally to 4 beautiful kids. I felt like a twat.
Honestly, I really didn’t think my perceptions of having children would change but….
Recently, I’ve been strangely drawn to reading mother forums. I get excited when I see expensive used designer strollers being sold for cheap on Facebook. I think about children’s names a lot. I tell Gareth things like we’re going to eschew formula and feed our babies with my milk/cow’s milk. I rack my brains over how to mosquito-proof babies. I look forward to seeing my colleague’s baby girl’s pictures on her Facebook. I get fascinated by stories of different parenting methods.
No, no, no. I’m not pregnant. We haven’t even started trying. Although I would really love to.
# – With a friend’s adorable son at our wedding.
From years of not wanting to have babies to suddenly feeling like I need to be pregnant, now. Of course, I get unusually worried about my chances of getting pregnant. I wish I had taken care of my body better. I get very sad when my period gets really painful (which it does every damn month) because I fear it’s a sign that something’s wrong with me. Gareth told me to stop being so negative and let nature takes its course. Besides, should things get difficult, there’s always IVF.
While writing this blog post, Gareth suddenly messaged me and gave me the link to this adorable video of a kid’s stick figure halloween costume.
I can’t even!!! I want to buy a lot of LED lights.
Heheheheee…..
Hmmmmm…..
Someone said: you’re a ‘girl’ until you become a ‘mother’
Heh according to my mom, I am a girl to her even after I become a grandmother myself!
You do know what twat means, don’t you?
No, but I know the meaning of douchebag.
Kimberly, I was merely pointing out the hidden humour in your ‘mangled vagina’ paragraph. Twat is a slang for vagina.
so you were implying that the hidden humour was not intended by me but rather, spotted by you?
I’ve got baby brain and possibly a mangled vagina after my recent childbirth, but I’m certain that I wasn’t implying anything malicious.
Sorry! I shouldn’t have immediately gone on the defensive. Thought you were snobbish about me calling myself a vagina. Glad you noticed the hidden humour. And good luck to your twat, sincerely! Cheers :)
Ta, much luck needed! Good luck to you too. Reading through the post, you could have written about me. I took the plunge and now I can’t imagine my life without baby.
Kimberly, To say the least this was both humourous and very insightful.
Mangled vagina?? Where did you ever get that idea? One of humanities greatest gifts is this very obvious and most often overlooked differences. Men may be strong on the surface. But women have the strength to endure child birth.
You dog Charlie, is a good looking dog. However dogs are not like having a baby. The day you and Gareth concieve a child will be memorable. I have some friends that made a point to plan conception days or nights in someplace surrounded by nature beauty. Their children once grown were taken back to these places and later told, they were teen age by this time, that this is place where they were concieved.
Your child will be part you and Gareth. Your child will also be a unique indvidual. That child will be a reflection of the love you and Gareth share.
More important is that as long as you and your husband start plannning, now is a great time, on how you will raise your child. Then both of you can look back at your individual childhoods’ and looking for the events and behaviours that your parents or Gareth’s parents did not do a good job of helping the little Kimberly or young Gareth through a certian age. Looking into your young pasts, both of you can come up with a unified way to raise a child.
I have been blessed with several very loving Godchildren. One in particular bonded with me when she was 18-19 months old. I became her first boyfriend. Now a few years older this little girl has taught her aging uncle so much about unconditional love, and about the simple things in life that so fascinate a child yet we adults overlook.
The more real love you show a child, you will recieve far more back and in more ways than you can imagine.
Children are very special.
Not that many years ago, you were a special little girl.
Look at the wonderful women you have blossomed into!!
Hi David, on mangled vagina…to me it’s not natural to have something so big come out of a hole so small…despite what they say that vaginal muscles stretch and bounce back etc haha
Thanks for the compliments on Charlie, we do think he’s a pretty handsome one hehe. I had a friend once who told me that it’s important to try and conceive in a special & loving environment too. So I agree with you…not sure if the children would appreciate being told where they were made though hahaa
Thank you for the tips. We have started discussing about our impending parenting styles and aim to meet in the middle. Of course, ultimately we want positive, balanced, empathetic, well-mannered and creative children so whatever we do will revolve around nurturing such people.
Your goddaughter’s very lucky to have you!
Kimberyly, a most interesting article regarding delivering a large baby.
https://www.sciencerecorder.com/news/utah-woman-gives-birth-to-14-pound-baby-believed-to-be-heaviest-born-in-u-s-this-year/
In the article above, a women delivered a 6.35 kg baby!
That is just about double the normal weight for most babies. Keep in mind the health of the mommy, is reflected, most of the time, in the health of the new baby. IOW, Healthy mom = healthy baby.
Best wishes and prayers for you and Gareth the have a healthy and beautiful child!
Looking forward to your adventures and changes during pregnancy. Your posts will take on new challenges!