Liam has just turned two month old, however his adjusted age is just shy of 10 day old :)
Here are pictures of me and Liam because the light was nice and we were both wearing white :)
Whenever we say that we do not have help (ie: confinement lady or a relative) with Liam, we’re always met with surprise, followed by mild sympathy. Honestly, don’t feel sorry for us as it’s a choice we made. And one we are glad we did.
We just knew very early on that having “help” will frustrate us more than anything. The last thing we needed was for someone to insist that I sleep in another room away from my baby just so I could “rest”. Or someone making comments about my parenting skills. Or someone doing something stupid to my baby because of some housewife’s tale.
No wonder so many new mothers who go through with traditional chinese confinement end up getting so stressed up. The stress I believe affect the milk supply of breastfeeding mothers too. Babies who lack maternal skin contact also tend to be colicky (contrary to belief, colic is not just about wind it means crying for no reason and baby lacking of motherly contact are fussy as hell). Lets not even start with the sheer ridiculousness of the confinement diet.
No drinking of plain water, anyone?
When Liam was in NICU, a relative told me that she thought my doctor was scamming us because another relative who was premature did not need to stay in NICU. I guess if my premature baby stopped breathing at home, this relative would be able to resuscitate him for me because obviously she knows better?
And then, there was someone who sent me an article about how babies lose 10% of oxygen while strapped in car seats. I suppose I should then risk my baby being flung out of car in the event of an accident then? Honestly, people!!!
What new parents need are encouragement, support and kind words. Fresh, healthy food. Heck, even unsolicited advice are fine as long as they are scientific, logical and beneficial. At the risk of sounding crass, yes, money is great too. Just don’t come and tell me not to do this or that cause I’d get wind and will suffer in 30 years.
Seriously, who doesn’t suffer from aches and pains and farts when they’re 60? Don’t be foolish can?
Anyway, enough of ranting. The past two months have been a heck of an experience but we wouldn’t have it any other way :)
Liam is very handsome! He has your eyes! :D
Thank you Joyce :)
This:
“What new parents need are encouragement, support and kind words. Fresh, healthy food. Heck, even unsolicited advice are fine as long as they are scientific, logical and beneficial. At the risk of sounding crass, yes, money is great too. Just don’t come and tell me not to do this or that cause I get wind and I will suffer in 30 years.
Seriously, who doesn’t suffer from aches and pains and farts when they’re 60? Don’t be foolish can?”
SO MUCH WIN.
Glad you agree Amy! Thanks :)
That second pic is too cute! Also how do these people strap their kids on car seat? By duct tape?
Ya that’s my favourite also haha. They use safetybelt dude
i guess relatives are just concerned for you. doesnt hurt to listen ( you’re not obliged to follow whatever they say) different people has different beliefs i suppose. just think of it as an advice and that they care for you n baby :)
Liam is now a big boy!! so nice watching him grow xo
I think the problem starts when one says “no thanks” , the new parents will be then subjected to fear and guilt for not following their “well-intentioned” advice.
The underlying cause of stress certainly isn’t the unsolicited advice itself but rather the managing of the expectations/reactions of people who dish them out.
Also, I suppose I should make the distinction between advice given out of love and those given out of ego, which could feel very different even if the message was the same.
All I am saying is that if people really meant well, they should be more educated about the information they share and be sensitive towards the feelings of the new parents.
Honestly I have to strongly disagree with this sentiment, caring is not passing on myths and bullshit.
Caring is giving factual, useful and safe advice. Some myths which propagate exactly because of this behaviour, if followed, are downright dangerous.
The rest just make you feel bad if you don’t follow them, which is silly. And if people are weak will they might just give in to all this pseudo “concern” and follow all the terrible advice.
Beliefs, much like religion is best kept to oneself. Facts however should be passed on :) And just because you heard it from your grandmas sister, it doesn’t make it a fact.
Hear! Hear!
Ahhhh….. I see you practiced what we did some 21yrs ago….
In fact, for the whole pregnancy, we kept poles ago from all the normal old-folk tales…..
We did what WE felt was best for US…
No confinement lady business….
typo: Poles ago – should be ‘poles away’
Kimberly, You and Liam are so beatiful! Interesting to read about Chinese confinement. It reads like it’s a hold over from an old time. We have three god-children and were visiting them within days of thier birth.
Very few women in North Amierca have help, a nanny if one is wealthy, perhaps a mother for short period but even that is not so common.
You and Gareth raising Liam is the best path forward. Keep in mind that for the next 7 years or so, you and Gareth will be super heroes in Liam’s world. The people who are the strongest, smartest and prettiest are Liam’s parents. Just ask him in a few years when he can speak.
Looking forward to more of life’s inceasingly fascinating adventures!
Sure many of the taboos of confinement ladies are not scientifically proven but how many chinese medicinal cures are anyway. Even acupuncture is said to not have much scientific evidence.
Although many of the taboos are just nonsense but some are really gems – like what sort of chinese herbs to eat during confinement to strengthen the body. My grandmother gave birth to 9 children and she is still standing strong now at 98 years old with an alert mind and she swears that it is due to adhering to good chinese confinement practices. BTW, when she was in her 60s, she did not have any aches and pains at all unlike other people that age.
I am sure no one likes having a stranger living with them but some professional and modern knowledgeable CL do have an important role to play in caring for both mothers and new born babies.
Mun, your grandmother attributed her good health to confinement practices – but that’s what she thinks. There could be plenty other factors combined together to produce a supergranny.
Yes, we could never go wrong with good nutrition but to attribute supergranny status due to just one single cause seems far too simplistic for me.
It’s far too easy to end up with irresponsible and ignorant old folk passing of as expert CLs just because they have wrinkles and look the part, yet know nothing about breastfeeding (a basic motherly thing) because they bottle fed their own sprouts. Seriously. Many were taken in by formula marketing during their time. And Benedictine DOM being good for moms? That’s not even a chinese product to begin with, and the omputeh don’t even use it for postnatal purposes.
Kim & Gareth, very happy and glad to see baby Liam is doing really great! I think every parents have the right to do whatever it takes for the best interest of their baby. So far from what I see, you guys are doing your best, heck, greatest! Don’t get too annoyed with what people say. Like they say.. opinions are like assh*les. Everybody has one. Haha.
The next annoying question people would ask you is to vaccinate or not to vaccinate. Haha. Then you will have to write another ranting post. Haha!
Parenthood is really challenging. Am sure you and Gareth are the A team for Liam. So, go team Liam!
That second photo and his scrunched up face *AWWW HEART SHAPED EYES* *ovaries screaming*
And I agree! I honestly get very annoyed with all these superstition BS. No washing hair and only using those herbal water to wash yourself. I mean, seriously??! So unhygienic especially when you’re breastfeeding