Category: Emo & Personal

Happy Birthday to me.

In about an hour from now 26 years ago, my mom gave birth to her 1st born in Chinese Maternity Hospital. She was a colic baby and was most difficult to care for; she loved crying especially during other people’s sleeping hours.

Of course, she grew out of it eventually, and Mom thought that the worst was finally over. Alas, her baby girl hit puberty and along with it came the biggest egomania and hormonal rage. Mom realised that dealing with a colic baby was farrrrrrr better than a rebellious teenage daughter.

This young girl who talked back to her, said nasty things to her and who absolutely refused to listen to her – how could she be the baby she once sucked thick mucus out of a tiny nose with her mouth for?? I bet she was devastated.

Weren’t you, mummy? Hehe.

Later on, our relationship got better and better and early this year, she posted this on her blog which made me teared up:

My daughter was born on 23rd July (Mon) @ around 10am, weight 8lbs, she’s my 1st born and the only girl in the family.She was a colic baby..for the 1st 6 months she sleep during the day and wide awake during the night.

I sometime felt that she has been bullying me since the day she was born,during her teen year she use to bully her younger brothers,they call her name behind her back like “fei poh, pat poh chey chey, wong how, pa wong kai la” etc.etc..Her back up, of course the DADDY! Whenever ther’s a fight the daddy always turn around and speak in a very soft tone “girl y u like that” and to the boys his tone change completely.

Her rebellious during the 2nd ten years really make me sick, heartache and in tears most of the time, i hv been asking myself thousand time what hv i done to deserve this,is that part of growing up or im not the kind of mother she expect me to be and when is she going to grow up, grow out of it.

Before she graduate and announce she’s going out with an ang moh. I was like..now what..,what she got herself into but the daddy said ” trust her,she’s big girl now”. Ok,I should let go and trust her, that was 5 years ago..YES! the daddy is right, I’M VERY HAPPY FOR HER.

My daughter really really has grow up to become a fine young lady, she manage her life well, happy and most important got someone who’s sincerely,honestly love her and care for her.

As a mother,i feel proud and happy for her, although sometime she still give me the ‘headache’!

I guess it’s safe to say that I’m no longer a pain in my Mom’s life (ok, maybe sometimes). Now that’s the biggest achievement in my 26 years of life.

I love you mummy!

Suspended

I’m in pain. It feels like everything is on hold while the suffering creates itself to remind me that I can’t fool myself; there is a price to pay to get what I deserve. Everything is currently suspended except this paralysing agony that is from me but not controlled by me.

This is not my life. Am sleeping it off till my real life begins. Even then the pain keeps me half awake because being fully asleep would be half-cheating. Nobody can trick it, not even themselves. I’d have to do something more drastic to dull this, numb this.

I just want to not feel anything.

Posted from my Crackberry.

Psychotic.

How do you define a friend? Who are your friends to you? Are they a source of comfort or are they just people you add on Facebook?

This week I’ve had a couple of friends confiding to me about their problems with their other friends. Some were purely misunderstandings, which is common in any relationship but then there are the serious ones which beckon the question: Why are they psychotic people in this world?

These people use and abuse their friends, spread lies to gain trust and play friends against each other just so they could be everybody’s best buddy. These people boast about their capabilities to help you but although finally end up with none of their promises materialised, they are still thick-faced enough to set you on a guilt-trip to help them because their intentions to help you in the first place were “pure and honest”?

Seriously, is there some sort of chemical imbalance in their brains? Is it upbringing? Is it something in their DNAs? I really don’t know but what I do know is that I’m appalled beyond comprehension by the behaviour of these people.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I don’t claim to be the best person to be friends with. I am callous, I am bitchy to a fault, I cuss all the time, I’m embarrassing when drunk, I have ego the size of Jupiter and recently, I’m so incredibly stingy that “Kimberly” is becoming the new “scrooge”. But despite all that, I can’t imagine ever in my life to lie to a friend about another friend because I yearn to be his or her best friend? I can’t involve my friends in business deals that don’t benefit each other. I can’t ever put my friends in a position where they’ll be pressured to pay for anything that benefits me. I won’t offer to help my friends in anything unless I know for a fact that I’m really capable of doing so because I don’t want to put my friends in a position where they are afraid of offending me in case they chose somebody else more capable to help them. And more importantly, I don’t want them to lose an opportunity to be helped better because they accepted an offer from someone less capable like me.

And why do I have all these personal rules? Well, simply because I don’t ever want to be at the receiving ends in the situations above. Because it’s common sense. Because friends don’t lure you into a tight spot. Friends don’t use you for personal or business gains. Friends don’t act all nice and kind in front of you but make up nasty stories about you to other people. Friends are naturally proud for you if you achieved something good. Friends are supposed to make you happy, not constantly worried about what kind of stupid shit they’re going to come out with next.

I’m very lucky that I have a group of close-knitted friends whom I trust 100%. Recently, I had some friendship problems of my own too. There was a pair of two-faced couple who almost ruined my group of friends with lies, tricks and more lies but I’m glad to say that they have been successfully weeded out and banished from our lives forever. So what I want to say to those friends who confided in me, don’t lose hope. We all meet psychotic people at various points of our lives but they come and go. Just focus on your real friends who will stick by you through thick and thin.

That said, if you have difficulty of retaining any true friend for more than 1 year, seriously you should get yourself admitted into a psychotic hospital you crazy assholes.