Category: Emo & Personal

Family outing + am I spoilt?

Dad’s on a business trip. Talk about being inconsiderate. Stupid company.

So Mom, the brothers and I decided to amuse ourselves by shopping, eating and watching movie.

We had lunch at this place called Vietnam Kitchen. Pretty good food. I didn’t bring camera so no pictures, sorry. We had some kickass beef pho and spicy salad. The jelly strips in the salad was a nice touch.

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We watched Batman Begins. It’s okay. I’d watch it just to ogle at Christian Bale’s chest and biceps…..*swoon*. I think he’s the best Batman so far. The movie’s a long winded retelling of how Batman begins as Batman with some elaborate systematic desensitization thrown in. I don’t know wtf Katie Holmes doing in the movie. Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine were splendid.

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Yummy.

I saw a RM10 tieback halterneck slutty top which I absolutely adore and a duotone (mauve/fuschia) sheer top that I just have to have. I showed them to Mom and she nodded as sign of approval. So I chuck the two items onto the pile of clothes my brother had gathered as I assumed Mom’s going to pay for mine too. As the cashier returned her balance, I saw my two tops on the countertop so I told Mom that she missed them. She retorted that if I wanted the clothes, I would have to pay for them.

Wah, I felt so damn unloved ok. My tearducts were on the verge of exploding. She paid like for dozen pieces of stuff that my brother got and wouldn’t wanna spare RM25 for two stuff from the budget section I wanted? So I stompped out of the shop, trying really freaking hard not to cry. Later, we found a spot to sit while waiting for the movie to start. I refused to sit and decided to stand with my back facing my Mom. She kept asking me to sit and I kept saying no. After a while, she tapped my shoulder, I turned around and she handed me RM50 and asked me to buy whatever I wanted in that shop. I said no. She asked me for a second time. I said no again.

My stupid thoughts eventually subsided and I was talking to Mom again. When we were in the cinema, she asked me whether I was still mad at her. Wah, I felt so damn guilty ok. So I played dumb and proceeded to steal her popcorns.

Anyway, the point of this story is, I’m a crazy freaking stupid insensitive bitch when I’m (almost) menstruating. Be very nice to me.

Ramblings of a soon-to-be former procrastinator.

“In fact, we struggle incessantly to shake off procrastination. We plan and schedule; we write down and underscore; we promise and make resolutions; we organize and reorganize. Generally, we accomplish a short lived refreshment from procrastination, and then crash soundly back into it.”

I did some reading on procrastination. No, not for the papers. For myself. Have I reached a new height? Then I realised I did it to delay my papers. And gym. And joining that thing I really want to join. And filling up the scholarship form. And finishing 3 books I NEED to read. And 2 books I WANT to read.

“Instead, you threw something together, was satisfied with mediocre, took chances that nothing would go wrong, created a lot of unnecessary stress for yourself, and then plopped down to start procrastinating all over again.”

That sent shivers down my spine. Everytime I receive my academic results, I get quite smug cause I’m thinking, “Hell, a day’s work and I’m getting pretty good marks. If I’ve thrown in more effort I’d be invincible. I am invincible”. Yes, if I have thrown in more effort. If I have! I have not. I did not. I’ll always be second best and that’s so not nice.

“What is perfectionism, then? Perfectionism is a form of rigidity or inflexibility that is marked by three major characteristics: (1) The intense desire to jump in and do things yourself because others just can’t do it right; (2) the insistent attitude that you wouldn’t even start on something if you can’t do it well; and (3) the profound need for closure, indicated by agitation or discomfort should something be left hanging.”

(1) I hate teamwork and I can never be a proof reader. Cause I’d change everything. (2) Have made and broke me. At times when I impulsively take the plunge, I find myself pleasantly surprised. But when I deliberately avoid it, I find myself with loads of missed opportunities that I can’t help feeling regretful about. (3) And you wonder why I eat so bloody much.

“Many resigned procrastinators simply confess, “I’m just lazy” and hope that the explanation suffices. Not by a long shot. Laziness is procrastination out of control.”

I have yet to read this stage. But I was close enough. I’m lucky in a sense that I was too proud to give up. So that kind of held me together….but I was -this- close. I’m glad I made that U-turn, otherwise I would have used that as a regular escape route, probably till I ruin myself.

So yeah, obviously blogging this is part of the problem. I’m just occupying my time in order to postpone what I should be doing. But it’ll end here. I promise myself. You got to do it, Kim.

Reference:

  • https://webhome.idirect.com/~readon/procrast.html
  • https://stress.about.com/cs/timemanagement/a/aa112002.htm
  • https://www-csli.stanford.edu/~john/procrastination.html

Ordinary but not quite.

26 November, 3 December and 10 December, deadlines to three different paper. Nope, not a word written. Nada. Sometimes I’d be so embarassed with my procrastination that when friends ask me I’d say ‘Yeah, I’ve done a lil..like 600 words’, something to that effect when in fact, I’ve not written a single thing. They say you don’t learn until you get burnt, gawd I hope I don’t get burnt.

Jac told me she met him. What a small world. Frankly, he’s such a waste of good qualities and looks.

Recently, I’ve got around to chatting with someone. My luck, what a gem. You think the world is coming down crashing on you then you realise all the good people are around you. In every cloud, there’s a silver lining? Now I have to say this gem of a person is a gold lining with 1000 thread-count. Hehehe. You know who you are *hugs*

I won’t forget to take EPO ever again. Pain has subsided but not completely gone. It’s quite scary considering my Mom has a history of problems with her womb. Tough being a woman.