Category: Emo & Personal

I will change.

When it comes to relationships with other people, don’t focus on what their motives or intentions are. Don’t focus on their speeches.

Focus on their actions instead. Actions are tangible while thoughts and speeches are not.

Because you will never, ever truly know what people’s minds are thinking….you will just end up hurting yourself & others by speculating & guessing. Why? Because uncertainty breeds contempt and resentment. That is not fair to anyone.

If you disliked someone’s action, tell that somebody immediately so that he or she can decide what to do. Only then you handle it from there.

Don’t keep the dislike or discomfort inside you because it will fill your head with doubt and ultimately consume you and everything else that is good.

Lastly, learn to let go. Because the past should never overpower your future.

Had an enlightening conversation with my husband. He basically taught me the wisdom above.

I have finally come to the realisation that I overanalyse one’s action so much so that it becomes bigger and more severe than it really is.

I am too preoccupied with the “motive” or intention behind an action that I simply forget that shit just happens.  Simply put, I am a fucked-up, straight-up batshit crazy conspiracy theorist. I get too carried away.

Today I will start to change that.

Shit my mom says

I’ve always told people that I have no desire to have any daughter because of how I was when I was a child. Calling my younger self a nightmare is an understatement.

Ran away from home. Played truant. Intercepted letters from school addressed to my parents for playing truant. Did badly in school. Eating disorders. Depression. Some unmentionables. Locked mom out of her own house and stared cock at her from the inside for hours. I haven’t done it all, but I certainly did enough.

As I grew up, I started to see that it’s not easy being a parent. Not only do you have to mangle your vagina giving birth to a piece of shit, you have to spend most of your money onto a piece of shit that yells at you.

Why do people even become parents? What’s so great about bringing up a human being?

Is it the novelty of being able to see someone who is part you, part your spouse? Is it because you want someone to take care of you when you’re old? Is it because of societal pressure? Is it because your friends are having babies? Is it because you’re bored?

Why are you having children?

I used to wish that I was never born.

Even though I possibly mangled my mom’s private bits (I’m not saying I know for a fact), she still loves me so, so much. Although I was a nightmare to deal with, she has persevered in making me who I am today – less of a nightmare.

Today, I was chatting with mom on whatsapp. She seemed a little sad. Distant.

So I went to into positive overdrive and that means being overly interested and chatty. After almost an hour of intermittent & monosyllabic replies from mummy…I was ready to call her up to yell at her, gently.

And suddenly, this appeared on my phone, “Talk tonight I very busy watching Walking Dead”.

I burst out laughing. And then I thanked the universe.

How is married life?

Have been hearing this question over and over again from completely different people eversince we got married. My default answer is, “good” or “same”.

I guess it’s a making small talk kinda question and people probably aren’t really that interested in finding out. Kind of like “How do you do?” but in a slightly more relevant context hence supposedly appropriate, not that I mind cause I ask small talk questions all the time regardless of real interest but sometimes I do find myself having to stop and think before I answer.

How is married life? Better and different.

Lets start with the “different” cause people like to take bad news first right?

I’ve been with Gareth for over over 7 years before we got married, and I was as giddy as giddy could be so I expected married life to be exactly the same as before perhaps better, only now there’s a paper that compel us to be committed to each other for FOREVER. Yeap, that’s how it feels like sometimes. FOREVER.

I call it my post-wedding jitters.

Mind you, I don’t get the jitters often…I still get crazy teenage giddy whenever I’m with my man. But it is when we fight that the fact we’re bound together till death do us part that hits me.

“WTF I am truly, really stuck with this man whose face I am thinking of ripping apart. What have I done!?????”.

I highly suspect it has something to do with my PMS where I get reduced into a raging mess of pessimism and self-pity (read: craycray.)

Is it just me or is anyone out there experiencing similar situations? Does this sound familiar to you married women?

As for the “better”, well it feels great to be married to my best friend who still grabs my ass when nobody’s looking after 8 years.

It is wonderful to know that someone who gets my jokes, who knows exactly what bitchy thought am thinking by me just raising an eyebrow, who puts up with my farts/burps and who despite my post-wedding jitters, sheer psychotic madness and serious disdain of house cleaning – is willingly stuck with me for FOREVER :)

How is married life?

I realise that married life is not a bed of roses, cause roses wilt and die, hello? Married life to me is like an earthquake/tsunami/hurricane proof house with a slide and a massive pool of multi-coloured plastic balls…cause that thing shakes and get dirty and stuff but it never breaks and you can have loads of fun in it.

Damn right.