Category: General Faux Pas

I went to Luna Bar yesterday. For the first time, yeah I know I’m terribly out. Lovely, lovely place, view was absolutely gorgeous. But just too many lifts to take and stairs to climb. Not quite a good place to go if you’re planning to get pissed.

Anyway, I ordered a virgin strawberry daiquiri. I tasted it and it was good, yeah it was. And there’s a tinge of bitterness to it I assumed was just ordinary bitters. A while later, I fell asleep on the sofa after flashing (yes, I lifted up my tunic to reveal the inside layer) my boo for 1/2 hours (apparently, I can never be brought out in public ever again).

After that, I woke up puking out all the pizza and chicken wings I had earlier in one of the loveliest toilets I’ve ever had the opportunity to mess up. Cool.

Then I stumbled down multiple flight of stairs and squatted in a few lifts before reaching the car park and then I puked again. Next to a sleek pearlescent purple TVR. Double cool!!

Slept throughout the way home, and upon entering the living hall, I stripped and went straight to bed…naked except for the makeup.

Woke up with unexplainable feeling of embarrassment.

Virgin strawberry daiquiri eh?

p/s: I’m starting a new category for my blog, for all the alcoholic no-nos I’ve committed.

I picked up my boyfriend from his office and we went to Kanna Curry House for a lovely lunch of banana leaf rice. Then we went to a nearby shopping complex for a quick round of shopping and during that time, my period pain decided to manifest. So, we decided to cut short the trip even though I still had several items on our shopping list that I haven’t gotten. I dropped him off at his office and drove straight home in record speed. I just wanted to get in my bed, pop some panadols (courtesy of God) and lie in a foetal position.

Anyway, there’s this road that slopes uphill then downhill right before the turning to our place. My car was going uphill at about 60kmh and when it’s almost at the top, I started applying the brake to slow my car down. My right foot is on the accelerator most of the time (out of habit as I like to let off the throttle instead of braking when I’m driving) and as I shifted my foot to the brake pedal, I could feel a slight but abnormal tug of the accelerator pedal. I thought nothing of it and continued to apply the brake.

My car slowed down, but not significantly. And not as I know how my car would react normally. My first reaction was, “Huh?”. So I stepped harder on the brake. My car did not stop. The next reaction was, “SHIT!!!”.

I was in a car that was still rolling downhill with no brakes. I decided that it would be safer for me to get off the main road so I let the car rolled with my foot still firmly on the brake, till I spotted a left turn into a neighbourhood park. It was a fortunate decision as the road is an uphill road (yeah, it’s a bloody hilly residential area) and my car slowed quite a lot. It still wouldn’t stop though, so I pulled the damn handbrake.

And thank goodness, my car came to a halt. But not without the loudest, most eerie scream coming from the engine. Funnily enough, I was feeling more embarrassed about the loud noise than fearing that the engine might explode. I had a dumbfucked moment for a split second, not knowing how to stop the engine from making such noise.

Suddenly, the idea that the engine might explode entered my mind and I thought maybe I should do a runner. Miraculously, instead of abandoning my car in front of someone’s house hoping it won’t explode, my hand instead reached for the keys. I turned it anti-clockwise and voila…..SILENCE.

I checked my accelerator by stepping on it. It didn’t spring up like it should be, it bobbed like a flaccid penis getting flicked. Confirm broken.

I called Dad and boo. Dad was on his way to Kuala Terengganu while boo left his office and rushed to my rescue. Dad told me to open the bonnet and find out what’s wrong. I was like, “WHAT IF IT EXPLODES IN MY FACE!?”. He told me not to be silly and open the bonnet and so I did.

And guess what I saw after I opened the bonnet? A bone. A fucking bone. Pork joint, human joint….I don’t know but it’s a fucking bone. Lodged between the crescent plate that guides the throttle cable and its base. That’s why my car was not stopping, the accelerator was stuck!

The damned bone that almost killed me.

I tried to pull the bone out with my fingers but the engine was so hot I stopped. Then I tried pushing it out with keys, which was also unsuccessful. Finally, I retrieved the bag of tools from underneath my car seat, ripped open the pristine plastic bag and took out out a wheel wrench. I couldn’t believe my first time using the tools was not to change a flat tyre, but to knock a fucking bone out of my engine.

Where it was stuck.

After several tries, I managed to knock the fucker out. It popped out and fell onto some cavity on the engine and then I picked it up with a pair of forceps from the first aid kit. Wrapped it in tissue and thought about blogging it, which I obviously have.

I started my car and it came to life like it normally does. I was so relieved!!!! But I didn’t dare to drive it yet. I needed to know that the brakes would work whenever I want to. So I tested it on a short distance and it was fine. Only then I drove back, really slow though.

By the time I reached home, boo who was stuck in a jam finally caught up with me. I felt like a hero lah, for saving myself AND fixing my car. So proud, I kept shoving the bone at his face. Now that I’ve blogged it, the bone has been safely discarded. And yes, the period pain also mysteriously vanished.

Anyway, here are some tips to avoid getting into the same shit/if you found yourself in the same situation:

1. Try to slow down your car no matter what. If you’re driving an automatic car, push the gear to “N”, apply the brakes and get the car to a place where traffic is light or non-existent. Pull the handbrake if necessary. Err..if manual car I don’t know =P
2. Avoid parking in dirty back alleys where rats might smuggle foreign objects into your chassis.
3. Have proper tools in your car.
4. Know the parts of your car’s chassis, I had a long, painful conversation with my Dad trying to figure out where the throttle cable is. (I actually ignored the fact that a bone was stuck on top of my engine as the idea that it caused the problem was too ridiculous to comprehend).
5. Be aware of what’s on the road when you’re driving (My car might have picked it up while in motion).

Fin.

I slammed into a wall, face first after a shot of Bailey’s.

Conversation with my boo after that….

“Go to sleep”, boo said.

“No, I’m sober than ever. I’m so happy. I need to slam into walls more often after drinks”, me said.

“Shut up and go to sleep”, boo said.

“NO!!!!”, me said.

“Go to sleep”, boo said.

“You’re cacat”, me said.

“You’re super mega cacat”, boo said.

“You’re super duper mega duper cacat for dating a super mega cacat chick”, me said.

“You’re so cacat they ought to make a movie out of you titled CACATMAN”, boo said.

Both: BUWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.