Jizzgasmic Pork Meatballs Pasta

Honestly, I’m not a big fan of meatballs. The ones sold outside tend to be too dense or too dry or too bland. My other half, on the other hand, is a meatball connoisseur. He likes ’em small, big, juicy, cheesy, loosely stuffed or even dense. Yeah, he loves his meatballs.

And because he loves meatballs, and I love him, so I decided to make him his beloved meatballs for dinner….with a tiny wee bit of Asian twist. I decided to make ones that I think I might like – not too dense and very crunchy on the inside.

The ingredients that you need are:

  • 300+ grams of minced pork
  • 200ml of bread crumbs (you can use store bought ones, but mine are homemade by the bf’s mom. If you’re feeling adventurous, check out how to make breadcrumbs here)
  • 3-4 strands of long beans (kacang panjang)
  • 1 chilli
  • 1.5 tablespoon of dried basil (or fresh ones, you lucky bastard)
  • 1 can of plum tomatoes
  • 1 tablespoon of brown sugar (or ordinary sugar)
  • some vodka (or white wine or even water if you’ve got no choice -_-)
  • celery salt/ordinary salt + pepper
  • 3 tablespoon of minced garlic
  • pasta of your choice

Oh and having a mixing bowl is very useful for this recipe!

Lets start!

# – Dice one onion, throw into mixing bowl.

# – Dice long beans and throw onto diced onions.

# – Dice chilli and throw onto diced onions on top of diced onions.

# – Pour bread crumbs into your bowl of onions, long beans and chilli mix.

# – Now chuck minced pork into the mix.

# – Add 1.5 tablespoon of dried basil. Of course, you can use fresh ones!

# – And next, about one tablespoon of celery salt, of which you can replace with 1/2 a tablespoon of ordinary salt. But seriously, I don’t think I can live without celery salt ever again!

# – Lastly, a generous sprinkling of coarse black pepper.

Now here comes the FUN part!

# – With your naked fingers, squeeze and mix everything till combined :)

And because it’s impossible to take pictures while shaping meatballs, I’ll skip the process :P

# – With slightly moist hands, just roll about a tablespoon and a half of mixture and form a ball. They should look like this :D

# – Now heat up oil in a saucepan and pan fry the balls!

# – After about a minute, turn them around so they’re evenly cooked.

# – Remove from saucepan when the meat has turned white.

# – Be gentle while handling your balls, or they will disintegrate like this :(

# – But do not worry, just squash the damaged ball into smithereens and incorporate it into the sauce ;)

# – Now there will be a lot of onions, bits and bobs left in the pan after the frying. DO NOT DISCARD them. Instead, pour some vodka in. (BTW, right after this picture was taken, I flambe-d my own hand…do not handle the camera while pouring alcohol into your cooking at the same time…it is stupid. Very stupid)

# – Scrap all burnt goodies from the pan and add some minced garlic into the mix.

# – In the meantime, open a can of plum tomatoes and cut them into smaller pieces if they’re not already cut.

# – Pour the tomatoes into your garlicky awesomesauce. Mix well.

# – Add one tablespoon of brown sugar or ordinary sugar. Stir well.

# – And now….add the balls back into the sauce, baybeh!

# – Gently stir them around a bit so they’re well coated by the tomato sauce.

# – Now this recipe is enough for 3 people although 2 of us managed to clear it…so cook pasta for 3. Any pasta, I used a combo of angelhair and spaghetti, just because.

# – Drain pasta, spoon sauce and balls over pasta and slice cheddar over it. Yes, I’m using a potato peeler, don’t judge!

# – Behold, the Jizzgasmic Pork Meatballs Pasta.

# – A look into the ball.

# – Trust me, this is the way to a man’s heart, the Jizzgasmic Pork Meatballs Pasta.

This is also by far the best dish I’ve ever whipped up on my own. I shouldn’t use expletives in a supposedly family friendly post but yeah, this shit is fucking A.

Bowl-licking good layered potatoes.

Layered potatoes – my favourite way of eating potatoes! It’s creamy, salty & peppery all at the same time. It is comfort food at its highest level. It makes me fat but do I look like I care?

If you’re going to get fat, the only legit way to do so is by eating loads of layered potatoes. And guess what, it’s mind-boggling easy to make them. Cooking skills, what cooking skills? As long as you can slice potatoes without slicing your fingers off, you’re ready to make layered potatoes.

All you need are two medium potatoes, one yellow onion, milk, whipping cream (optional), salt and pepper. Easy peasy!

# – 2 medium sized potatoes – peeled and sliced.

# – 1 onion – sliced.

# – Just in case you don’t know what sliced potatoes and onion look like…here you go.

# – Place a layer of sliced potatoes in your casserole dish.

# – Follow by a layer of sliced onions.

# – Season with salt and pepper evenly & generously. Then repeat – a layer of potatoes, a layer of onions, salt & pepper until the final layer ends with potatoes.

Now the next step is totally optional but I highly recommend it because it gives the dish an exceptional creaminess only good, fat, real whipping cream could give you. The inclusion of whipping cream though would make this dish a bit more expensive (for Malaysian) but if you like dairy like I do….make it happen!

# – Pour whipping cream all over it till just about submerging the bottom layers of potatoes/onions. Skip this step if you’re going for a healthier version.

# – Then, pour milk to fill up just below the uppermost layer.

# – Now stick it in the oven for 1 hour at 180 degrees celcius. You could turn it up to 200 degrees for the last 10 minutes to give it a nice browned top crust :D

It is totally normal for the top to bubble while in the oven. Don’t panic because it’s a good thing!

# – Tadaaaa!

# – The soft, creamy, peppery potatoes. O M G!!!

# – The creamy sauce is to die for!

And the only way to finish the dish is this:

This dish is perfect for parties because it’s so easy to make and you can just stick it in the oven and go about doing other things.

I implore you to try this. You will thank me. You will be eternally grateful to me.

The story of profitecakes.

I’m starting a new category under Homemade Recipes and it’s called…..

COOKING FAILURES.

Instead of being ashamed of my kitchen failures, I might as well document these in my blog so that:

1. I can always refer back to these posts to make sure I don’t repeat the same mistakes.
2. I can at least transform my dumbassness into blogging materials.
3. You can laugh at me.

And here, my very first documented cooking failure…

# – Ladies & gentlemen, this is a profiterole.

# – This is my profiterole.

Can you see the difference?? Here’s another look….

# – See the difference??

Yeap, beats me. I don’t know why my “profiteroles” were completely flat.

# – Was it me or the recipe? :(

Kim (a different Kim, not this Kim hehe. All Kims are awesome btw), whom by the way is extremely talented in the kitchen and even has her very own cookbook said I might have invented “profitecakes”.

# – How the name profitecake came about :D

Profitecakes…..hmmm, I do like the sound of it!

Despite being a failure, I do think I might make these not-profiteroles again. They are flat and definitely not hollow but guess what…they’re spongy & tasty too! And I found just the perfect way to eat them too!

So yeah, I’m posting a failed attempt that did not fail, hehe.

# – First of all, grease your baking tray.

# – Boil 25gm of butter and 75ml of water till well mixed.

# – Put about 8 full tablespoons of flour into the butter/water mixture….

# – and stir vigourously till…

# – it forms a sort of a ball (by the way if it doesn’t form into a ball, gradually add more flour and stir till it forms a ball). Let it cool down a bit.

# – After it has cooled down a bit, transfer the ball into a mixing bowl and crack an egg over it.

# – Beat it.

# – Till you get this consistency.

# – Well, you can spoon the mixture onto the baking tray but because I’m preppy like that, I transfered the mixture into a freezer bag (or sandwich bag if you like), nipped off the corner and piped the mixture onto the tray.

# – Then just stick it in the oven at 220 Celsius degree for 13 minutes.

# – Look at them bake!

# – When they’re done. Profitecakes! Beautiful! Ya?

So what is the perfect way to eat the profitecakes? How about with cream and honey!

# – Divide the profitecakes into half. Slather whipped cream and drizzle pure honey all over the first half. In fact you could just spread jam and get profitecake jam sandwiches!

# – Then, lay the other halves on top of the cream and honey and there you have it, profitecake cream & honey sandwiches!

Lovely, creamy and fluffy. This is definitely one of those rare times where I love my failure.

+ Update +

Finally! I’ve successfully made profiteroles. Check them out here :D