Category: Parenting

Our story of trying for 2nd baby.

I think some of you know I have been trying for a baby for a while now. I have been feeling broody since middle of 2015 and if I remember correctly, I think we started trying around late September last year, not long after my period returned.

Liam was conceived on the first attempt so naturally I expected the 2nd time would be just as easy.

I was wrong. First, I followed my ovulation app on my phone and did the deed on supposed fertile days but that didn’t work. Then we increased the horizontal baby boogies to cover more of the days before and after fertile period according to the app and still none stick.

By February, I was feeling slightly down already. I had so many theories as to why I wasn’t conceiving, still breastfeeding, luteal phase defect, app error, stress etc.

I decided to get serious about nourishing my body the traditional chinese way. A friend told me she conceived her 2nd daughter after drinking “bazhen” soup, a chinese herbal soup concoction that many chinese women are familiar with. You’re supposed to drink bazhen a week after menstruation as it’s supposed to nourish the womb after a week of bleeding so many of us grew up knowing about this soup.

So, I got many packets of bazhen from the neighbourhood chinese herbal shop and started making soups for myself. Although bazhen was supposed to be drank once a week after menstruation, I drank my soups a couple of times a week as I was determined to over-nourish my body…I didn’t even mind nosebleeds. I also ate a handful of Brazil nuts everyday which a friend gifted me. Apparently, Brazil nuts contain a lot of selenium which aids conception.

# – These are just some of the other herbal concoctions I got besides bazhen. The bazhen herbs come in a box like this, just dump in a pot with meat and boil for a couple of hours.

I was beginning to suspect that my mobile app is not charting my luteal phase properly so I got ovulation test kits from the pharmacy too. They didn’t work at first, as no lines ever appeared. Later on I figured it was because I was still relying on my mobile app when to use the ovulation kit, which in hindsight was pretty stupid.

Then, I decided to ditch the mobile app and just followed what my body told me. When I had the eggwhite-like discharge (sorry, TMI) and one side of my abdomen got dull throbbing pain, I tried the ovulation stick and what do you know, this time the stick showed positive line! So what else, we got to working lah!

I suspected I was pregnant about 2 weeks later but all the previous times also I suspected I was pregnant, but then hello Aunt Flo :(

In my head I didn’t know if I was pregnant or it’s just my hopes playing tricks on me. Anyway, as usual I whipped out one of my dozens of pregnancy test kits and I tested a few days before my period was due because I am an impatient knobend like that. Nothing.

I tested the next day again and the day after all the way till my period was due and still, no double lines. I was exasperated, why is there no period but also no lines??? Gahhh!!

Then I remembered one time, my period was late for a week and I thought I was confirmed pregnant already but then red wedding FML. So I thought this time must be also the same.

Everyday, I was expecting to see red. Anyway, just before the week of my supposed period ended, I rummaged through my bin to look for used pee stick (sorry, gross) from 11 April and I thought I saw a shadowy 2nd line. I showed my mummy friends the 11 April stick on Whatsapp and they all said they could see a faint 2nd line.

I don’t know if you could see the faint 2nd line in the 11 April stick.

# – Pee sticks from 11 April and other days before.

However, Google said is evaporation line cause it’s been so many hours already. I was hopeful and encouraged nevertheless, so I tested several times again on that day after that and everytime, I believed I saw a faint 2nd line.

# – And then on 12th April, my dream came true!!!! A proper 2nd line appeared!!!

I showed hubs and we hugged! Felt like a burden had finally lifted from our shoulders.

# – The next day, on 13 April I tested again and still got a 2nd line :)

I was on cloud 9. From that day onwards, I tested everyday with the cheap Guardian pee sticks. It made me happy to see the 2 lines everyday.

I wanted to use Clearblue, a much more expensive pregnancy test kit, which I have, but hubs said no. He sait to wait for a bit first cause, it’s expensive lol #kiamsiap

I waited 6 whole days to use Clearblue ok!!! Finally, got to use this baby and yissssssssss the word “pregnant” appeared and it looked so nice and welcoming :)

# – PREGNANT!

We set an appointment with my obgyn on 27 April to confirm stuff and make sure everything’s in order since we’re going on long trip to Europe in May.

It’s great to see the woman who received Liam and I sure hoped she would be the same person to deliver my 2nd child. Anyway, I climbed up onto the examination bed, she squeezed out some cool gel on my abdomen and then she placed the ultrasound stick on my belly.

Doc: You’re a bit dehydrated, so your bladder is not full enough to push your womb out so I have to push down a bit harder ok?

Me: It’s okay.

I saw a distinct sac on the screen and I smiled to myself.

Doc: You’re definitely pregnant.

Then she rubbed the stick a bit harder and I saw a second sac and thought to myself, wow is that the placenta? Why is it floating in the womb?

Then I heard the husband.

Husband: Ha ha, are those twins?

Doc: Hmm….they certainly look very twin-nish.

Doc: Congratulations, I think you guys are having twins!

Me: WHAT!???????? NO THIS IS NOT REAL!!!!!!! I can’t digest this right now. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!? (I sound rather coherent here but I believe I was in hysterics).

All memories of Liam’s preterm labour and NICU time flooded my brains. I was like, shittt I cannot do that again. NO. NO. NO.

# – The look of abject terror.

I held in my tears but as soon as I left my doc’s room I started sobbing.

I had the worst thoughts, man. Dark shitty thoughts. I was wishing to miscarry and then try again for ONE baby. I was hoping the other twin would absorb its sibling. I was hoping that one twin would somehow disappear. We read that there’s 30% chance of a disappearing twin and I was like wow, please happen to me.

Sorry babies. Mummy was in shock.

Thank goodness for hubs who was my pillar of strength and positivity. He was in shock too but remained calm and most importantly, happy.

He very clearly clarified our next course of actions ie: registering at a government hospital just in case we needed NICU so our finances won’t be decimated, that we have always wanted 3 kids anyway and now we could have 3 before he hits 40 year old, and many other comforting words. By the end of day, I was quite looking forward to be mummy of Liam and twins :)

This was also the period we realised that Charlie had to go to a new family. It was hard to deal with him being aggressive towards Liam and we don’t think we could deal with him being aggressive towards the twins. Also, with no hired help at home, he will most certainly be neglected when then twins arrive. And so we made the hard decision and fortunately found him a well-to-do and loving family. Charlie left just before we went to Europe. Talk about good timing.

I was slightly worried as to how I would be able to get through most of my first trimester in Europe but I did surprisingly well. I did not puke once and now, I suspect my previous morning sickness with Liam was really due to the prenatal pills I was taking.

This time I am taking a tablet type prenatal pill (no oil), supplemented with fish oil capsules, additional folic acid pills (cause twins) and calcium pills. Other than feeling a tad more tired than usual, I feel normal.

# At MIL’s house, my bump at end of 10 weeks. Probably a food baby lol

After we got back from Europe, we went for another scan. The twins are confirmed. They’re so far of good size for 11 weeks with strong heartbeats. I am grateful.

# – Latest 11 week scan.

So one of the questions that we received a lot is, do we have twins in the family?

At first we were sure we don’t but after thinking hard we realised we both have twins on both sides, 2 generations ago haha.

Both are fraternal girl/boy so we are hopeful for that combo too. Firstly, cause I want a daughter and secondly I would love to see how Liam’s brother would look like. But really, all I care for are healthy babies that I can hopefully bring to full term. Not asking much, 37 weeks also I am happy already (Liam came out at 32 weeks).

Thank you everyone for your well wishes and congratulatory messages. Appreciate everyone of them!!

6 things I wish I had done more before becoming a mummy

Sometimes I look back and wonder if there’s anything I should have done more before becoming a mom.

The answer is: Hells yeah!!!! There are so many okay!

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret being a mummy. I have no regrets about motherhood – I enjoy being a mom, I love it and I thrive at it.

But, I believe there are many things that non-parents should do a lot more before becoming parents, not because you lose out after becoming parents (okay maybe just a little bit lol) but because I feel that you should maximise your time as a single.

I am not remotely suggesting that parenthood is lacking in anything (I lied, you lack of sleep like all the time). In fact, I have never felt so sure about my position in life after giving birth to Liam. But you, know I am #justsayin

Anyway here are the things that I wish I had done a lot more before popping out a mini human:

1. Travel more

I wish we had travelled a lot more before having a baby. Before Liam, our only consideration was whether we could afford the holiday.

# – And having 11kg resting on your legs for hours in a cramped plane. Nice!

Now, there are many considerations before going anywhere. From “Have I downloaded enough videos and brought enough toys to keep the bub occupied for the entire duration of the flight?, “Are there bassinet seats available in the plane?”, “Does the hotel bathroom have non-slip mat so that neither of us could accidentally fall and crack open our heads while wrangling a toddler in the shower?”, “Is there a a swimming pool?”, “Is swimming pool shaded?”, “Are there non-spicy food available?”, “Is there king-sized bed?” (omg king sized please always forever if you’re co-sleeping) and many, many more things that you would have to consider as a parent in foreign territories.

Once in Belgium, we were ejected from a bread and breakfast after a long drive because it did not allow anyone under 12…so read hotel description properly before booking.

2. Sleep more

I can’t emphasise this more. Sleep as much as you can. Don’t take your 12-hour sleep for granted because once you’ve got kids, 4 hour straight of snoozing is a gawddamn miracle.

# – Sleep is for the weak, says Liam.

There’s a thing called STTN that’s pretty popular in the parent community; it means “Sleeping Through The Night”. Some people claim to have achieved it, while some wonder if their 8 hours sleep with three brief waking-ups to soothe a toddler is considered STTN (it’s not). Well, let me tell you that shit is as real as a bloody unicorn.

3. Dive more

I wish I had gone on more dive trips with the husband. We do fantasise about going on island trips and sneak in a couple of dives but taking turns while one of us watches the baby. How fun? -__-

# – This is as close to scuba diving as it gets for me now.

It’ll be 8 more years before Liam is even old enough to get his own dive certification. I suppose we could do snorkelling trips instead so we don’t have to wait so long for him to join us in the water.


4. Go to the cinema more

We haven’t been to a cinema for almost 2 years now. As with scuba diving, we also considered taking turns to go to cinema alone while the other person watches baby.

# – Now permanently stuck with an annoying audience who obstructs the screen.

To think that we watched a film at IMAX almost every other week pre-Liam. Thankfully our movie setup at home is decent and we could still continue watching movies, albeit with many pauses to tend to a needy toddler. A 2-hour movie could easily become a 3.5 hour affair.

5. Earn more money

I don’t think I am as financially secure as I like. I wish I was better with investing my money when I was younger instead of spending them all on frivolous shit.

# – Liam making it rain.

Having a child is expensive if you want the best for him or her. From the monthly doctor visit during pregnancy to food, clothings, etc now. My main concern is education and since sending Liam to a government school is completely out of the question and private education in Malaysia is going to cost a kidney and a liver, I better win the friggin’ lottery.

6. Go on more romantic dates

I remember being overjoyed being able to go grocery shopping with the husband when my mom-in-law was visiting 8 months after Liam was born!

If you don’t have hired help or a close family support (aka babysitters), your life will pretty much involve baby ALL THE TIME. I do enjoy spending all my time with Liam but I also miss having a quiet dinner with just my man where I get to dress up and all.

# – Managed to palm Liam off to my friend Ally who watched him for a few hours while we celebrated husband’s birthday in March. What a treat!

I am lucky that my husband is understanding and he’s into attachment parenting as much as I am, but we both still really value and appreciate getting some precious couple time. That said it’s just the two of us for like 8 years before Liam came so I shouldn’t complain, right?

Nooooo, can never have too much romance!

Does my post make you feel like you don’t want to have children at all? LOL

Well, parenthood on paper is like the single most stupid thing that one could do to self. It’s expensive, it’s time consuming and it’s bloody emotional. Don’t do it!!!!

But I am also going to be very cheesy and truthful and say it is the single most fulfilling thing I have ever done. No amount of work success or material gain could ever top the pleasure I get from having Liam.

All that said, of course I can still do all these things that I say I am missing with Liam around, just that it will involve a lot more planning, creativity, and patience. If you don’t have those qualities while you’re single, trust me you will gain those in record time once you got a baby.

The Game of Throne that matters.

Yesterday morning, Liam who just turned 495 days old, woke up me up by whimpering like an orphaned kitten in between kicking me in the ribs. He seemed like he was having a nightmare, whimpering and kicking with his eyes closed.

I tried all the tricks in the book to comfort him, from shushing to massaging to singing to rocking, all to no avail. I also offered him my boob but he wouldn’t take it. I began to worry because normally he would gobble it up with no hesitation. 

I continued rubbing his back and belly but he remained very restless, arching his back and still whimpering. Finally, I brought him over to the guest room where it was warmer and applied yuyi oil on his belly. 

Brought him back to our bedroom yet he was still the same. I was at my wit’s end. By then he had already woken up so I decided to let him down onto the floor. 

He walked to his toy at first, then abandoned it and walked to one side of our bed. He held on to the edge with both hands and started making pushing sound.

Oh my gawd, my poor baby was trying to poop! I felt so lousy as I read his signs so poorly because it’s not his usual poop time. 

In fact at some point, I honestly thought I had fried his brains by letting him eat 3 pieces of Arnott’s Shapes the night before. I was so freaked out I kept saying to my husband, “NO MORE JUNK FOOD NO MORE JUNK FOOD” like a mad person.

Anyway, I picked my baby up and let him stand on our bed while I chanted “Hmm Hmmm hmmm hmmmm” to him. He pushed so hard until tears came streaming down his cheeks :(

I suspected constipation.

After a while, he seemed to have settled down so I cleaned him up. Lots of poop and I was vaguely satisfied looking at a pile of steaming crap. Am sure many parents can relate haha.

But not long after, Liam went back to being restless. I don’t know what possessed me, but I…..

…..took out the potty seat & plonked him on the toilet bowl. 

He seemed okay so I left him sitting there while I continued to chant “Hmm Hmmm”.  

After what seemed like an eternity, he suddenly cried and shifted his butt around. I went near him to make sure he wouldn’t fall off the toilet and he suddenly grabbed on to me and that was when I heard it.

“Floooooooooooookkshhh”

The sound of what can only be described as ferocious airplane toilet flushing down.

My baby had just passed motion for the first time on the big boy’s throne!

I don’t think people with no kids will ever understand just how satisfying this milestone is hahaha. Imagine the possibilities from here onwards; potty trained!!!!! No more adding to the landfill with soiled diapers!!!!! No more changing icky diapers!!!!!

Liam finally fell back asleep with a peaceful look on his face after pushing that mothertrucker out of his poopshoot but it’s obvious that I am the happier person of the two of us.