Category: Random Musing

Ipanema, Mickey D and mossies.

I really hate it when my tummy starts to grumble after a heavy dinner. Tonight was one of those nights. Probably because I forgot to have lunch. I wish I can conveniently forget to have lunch all the time, man. I’d be super thin :P

Anyway, I pestered the boo to take me out for supper at McDonald’s. Actually, I probably shouldn’t use the word “pestered” because as far as pestering goes, it was a piece of cake. Mission accomplished in less than 10 minutes, w00t!

Ipanema
My new ocean blue Ipanema.

Check out my new pair of Ipanema. Honestly, it’s really not the design I wanted. I’m such a klutz I can’t wear thong sandals, I’ll either trip or lose the freakin slippers.

So I’ve been seaching high and low for the same pair of Gisele Bundchen Ipanema I bought in ’06 because wearing them, trust me, is like walking on air. They’ve lasted me through tough conditions…..beach escapades and a pretty rough trek through wet jungle and waterfalls. If it weren’t for the slightly faded colours and the 3-D flowers that were chewed off by rodents, I wouldn’t even need to get a new pair. But I can’t find them anywhere!!!

I heard on the radio that Gisele Bundchen’s latest range is here already, so hopefully I’ll get to replace my current pair soon. By any chance any of you know where I can get real Ipanema with the ankle strap, let me know, pretty please!

Gisele Bundchen Ipanema.
My Gisele Bundchen Ipanema. Le sigh…

Sorry, I veered. Back to Mickey Ds!

On the way, I pole danced for my boo bee.

Pole dancer.
If a career in PR doesn’t work out, I can always opt to pole dance, aye.

So sexy for my love, so sexy for my love so sexy it hurts. Uh uh.

I present you my most, most, most favourite food in Mickey D!

Can you guess what it is?

Can you guess?
Can you guess what is it yet?

Fried chicken and porridge????

Can you guess yet?
Any idea?

Fried chicken skin in MSG laden rice porridge, hell yeah! The word is monosodiumglutamate ok. I didn’t even check the dictionary, w00ts.

Fried chicken skin in rice porridge.
Fried chicken skin in rice porridge. Should be made illegal lor.

Then….as luck would have it. I suddenly got hit by the most urgent diarrhoea (I checked the dic this time) ever. Needed to go so bad, omg. Abandoned my sinful porridge and rushed into the loo.

Thank goodness there were toilet papers AND water. The following are screen shots of myshoutout (eh, follow me my shoutouts lah…only one follower so sien -_-), if you would like to have a better idea of what transpired.

Part 1
Part 1.

Part 2
Part 2.

I felt like a giant tampon okay, the mosquitoes won’t leave me alone to shit in peace, omg!

Then, then this fella went into the cubicle next door and pissed soooooOoo loud I was almost sure it’s a man. I mean, isn’t it possible that first he pees, then he rapes me. It was 12.30am in the morning at Mickey D’s toilet, which is away from the main restaurant.

Anyway, noisy pisser left…I heard the steps and door opened. I calmed down a bit and started surfing on my Nokia N95.

I don’t know how long time passed after, but when I got out, boo was already in his car…pretty pissed at me.

Battle of the Tongue Cleaners.

Tongue Scrapers. I wonder how many people actually use them. Heck, I wonder how many even know what it is. Well, it’s not the fancy name of a new candy in town.

When I first saw the incriminating pictures of Edison Chen and Cecilia Cheung, the first thing that hit me was Cecilia Cheung’s tongue. Seriously, would you put your private bits on that waxy, cheese coated tongue? Okay maybe if the tongue belongs to someone that does look like Cecilia Cheung, but not everyone looks like her, you know what I mean. So hang on, check the tongue before your bits fall off to the ground.

Cecilia Cheung's dirty tongue.
Dirty tongue. Eh shit, forgot to censor his pubes -_-

If by now you’re still in the dark…Tongue Scraper is used for scrapping your yellow (or in some cases white), waxy tongues during your oral hygienic rituals.

My mom is an active proponent for the usage of Tongue Scrapers, and like her I’ve grown attached to the unassuming piece of plastic. And that is why, I am so bothered by the impending doom of my beloved tongue scraper.

Tongue scraper
Tongue Scraper.

I had a bleak revelation while out shopping trying to find a decent Tongue Scraper for my boyfriend, who had promptly dropped his into the toilet bowl. And I thought shopping for the perfect shoes was hard. It seems like Tongues Scrapers are slowly being phased out and replaced by it’s bigger and fatter cousin, I call it the Fatty Boom Boom. And I just, for the life of me can’t understand why is this happening?

Fatty Boom Boom
Fatty Boom Boom….slowly replacing the humbler, leaner Tongue Scraper.

So I did some research and came out with these comparisons. I call it, the Battle of the Tongue Cleaners.

PRICE

After an exhausting search for the elusive Tongue Scraper, I gave up and succumbed to the bulky Fatty Boom Boom. For RM3 freaking 90. It was actually the cheapest one I could find. The price of Fatty Boom Booms range from RM3.90 to up to RM18.90, and they all look the same – bulky.

The old school Tongue Scrapers? They cost about RM3.50 for THREE and they last forever.

And so, in battle of the price……Tongue Scraper wins.

RM3.50 for 3.
RM3.50 for 3.

SIZE

The Tongue Scraper measures 14.5cm in length and 0.5 cm at its widest.

The Fatty Boom Boom measures 12cm in lenghth and a ghastly 4cm at its widest.

Which one would you bring on a trip? Which one would fit better in your Ikea embellished puny apartment?

And with the spirit of minimising everything in these modern times, it’s absolutely Neanderthal to turn Tongue Scrapers into something bigger.

And so…in the Battle of the Size, Tongue Scraper wins.

Lean, slim and portable.
Lean, slim and portable.

MAINTENANCE

Lets have a look at both tongue cleaning tools again.

Fatty Boom BoomTongue Scraper.

Which one do you think is easier to clean?

Due to the ergonomic of the Tongue Scraper it will take about 3 seconds to wash off all the gunk.

As for the Fatty Boom Boom, lets see…..1 second to get your fingers caught, a couple of minutes to wash the gunk off, another couple of minutes to REALLY get the gunk off, a couple of minutes to get the gunk off the bends and corners, a few more minutes to wash your hands.

Fast forward to 2 hours later, more sunlight. You’re wide awake. Nature calls. You enter your bathroom, see dried tongue gunk on your Fatty Boom Boom and you have to wash it again. And because the gunk has already fossilised, you have to use your finger nails to scrape the shit off. Who’s cleaning who now?

It’s a fast paced life we’re living now and would you want to spend 10 minutes cleaning a f–king tool used to scrape your tongue?

Winner….Tongue Scraper.

Low maintenance.
Low maintenance.

AVAILABILITY

Once upon a time, Tongue Scrapers were as common as your toothbrush. But that’s no longer the case. For the oddest reason, this nifty apparatus is fast disappearing from the market shelves and is being replaced by the big bad Fatty Boom Boom. Personally, I don’t know why this is happening. Perhaps this is an opportunity for unscrupulous companies to get more money by introducing another cleaning tool in the near future, one for cleaning your Fatty Boom Boom.

So, in the Battle of Availability, the Fatty Boom Boom reigns.

It's everywhere!
It’s everywhere!

OVERALL WINNER

The winner of the overall Battle of the Tongue Cleaners is…………Tongue Scraper!

All around winner.
Champion of the world.

Bring my Tongue Scrapers back! omg

Independent woman, sort of. I tried!

So on the bright morning of Chap Goh Meh or chinese Valentine’s Day, I woke up to a quick breakfast of dimsum and proceeded to fix my car. I was so excited okay, I told the bf already that I would try to change the tyre myself first and commanded that he’d be quiet and just take my pictures.

First, a recap of how bad the tyre was…….

Refresh your memory: punctured tyre
Refresh your memory: punctured tyre

Changing a tyre really isn’t that difficult. Among the precautions to take are:

    1. Park at a safe place if you could help it (ie: emergency lane, somewhere with less oncoming vehicles, basically just use your common sense ok)
    2. Switch on your hazard lights (they are not for use during heavy rain where visibility has deteriorated!)
    3. Take out that reflective triangle thing and put it at least 10 metres away from your car.
    4. Lastly, if the place where you’re stranded is still not safe, leave the tyre and summon for help!

Okay enough of them horse shit, lets begin the most crucial steps – changing the tyre!

First of all, find your spare tyre. It’s usually located at the back of your car, so open up the boot and get it out.

Clear the boot.
Clear the boot.

Lift up the piece of board at the base of your boot space. You will find a spare tyre underneath it.

Spare tyre.
Spare tyre.

When was the last time you pump air into your spare tyre? A month ago? 6 months ago? Never? If you have not pumped air into your spare tyre before or found the very idea of it foreign to you, stop now and start dialling for help. You’re screwed, darling.

On the other hand, if you’re not screwed yet…..unscrew the tyre by turning that hub thing in the middle of your tyre.

Unscrewing the tyre.
Unscrewing the spare tyre from the boot space.

Now find that elusive car jack.

Car jack
Car jack.

If you’re driving a Kelisa like me, you’ll probably find that thing a little too stubborn to be removed. That’s because it’s been intentionally locked. Turn the thing with holes on the side to loosen the jack from its lockup. Just like this…

Loosening the jack.
Loosening the jack.

After getting the jack out it’s time to lift up your car. Make sure that all the brakes are engaged.

If you are on a slope, place a brick or large rock right behind your tyre if you’re facing uphill or in front of it you’re facing downhill. I mean, would you like to see your car violently falling off your car jack and have an an eye or two injured?

Check for the area to place your jack right beneath your car doors.

Place your jack here.
Place your jack here.

Jack in place.
The jack in place.

Check out my busted tyre, man.

Busted tyre.
Busted.

I was lucky that it was already completely flat before I started the car. I could have driven the car away, not felt a single thing and had the tyre exploded in motion. That could have been the end of me. So ladies and gentlemen, always be aware of the condition of your tyres.

And now, it’s really time to lift up your car. Crank up the jack like what I’m doing here. I used this stick thing from the tool bag that came with my car. It looked like some ancient Egyptian ornament.

Epgytian Royal ornament.
It looks like that.

Cranking it up.
Cranking it up….

Still cranking it up....
Still cranking it up….

Stop cranking when it’s reached the right height. Which means when there’s ample space for the tyre to slide out and not get stuck. Don’t get the car up too high though, it’s dangerous!!

Behold the moment of truth……..

Removing a flat tyre.
(Trying) to remove a flat tyre.

Now, can you tell me what’s wrong with the last picture?

Can?

I’m pushing against the wrong direction -_-. And I shouldn’t be loosening the nuts when the car’s suspended! IT’S VERY DANGEROUS!!!

How on earth did I know this? After all those hassle, I still couldn’t remove the damn tyre. Called my mechanic and he had it settled in 10 minutes. Total damage including 3 new tyres, fixing a dented rim and ordinary servicing….RM615.

Defeated.
Defeated.

I tried to be an independent woman…..I really did.