Category: Ranting Is a Right

Those people who installed toiletry cabinet above the toilet bowl must be the stupidest, most insensitive dimwits ever. Have they ever considered what kind of inconvenience it causes? Let me give you some examples.

Scenario 1

1. You woke up. Unbelievably groggy from last night’s supper.
2. You took a pee. Sometimes a dump.
3. You reached for your toothbrush in the cabinet.
4. Your clumsy hand knocked your tongue scraper.
5. It fell into the toilet bowl.
6. Read: I didn’t flush.

Scenario 2

1. You peed. Sometimes a dump.
1. You’re happily showering.
2. You reached for your shower cream.
3. Shower cream knocked the loofah.
4. It fell into the toilet bowl.
5. Loofah soaked it all in.
6. Read: I didn’t flush.

Solutions

You could salvage the situation and your pride by say, wash your tongue scraper with 3 different kinds of cleaning agents + a good 10 minutes of blowdrying or till before the plastic melts. Next, give yourself an instant amnesia (permanent too) and scrap your tongue like a good girl.

On the other hand, carefully rinse the contaminated loofah and exchange it with your brother’s. Then again, who knows what he has done with his. So really, it’s a gamble. But, then again, what you don’t know doesn’t kill you.

I’m sure by now some of you might ask why not just purchase new tongue scraper and loofah? Well, it has to do with some laziness and a whole lot of hokkien sensibility.

Warning: Long post ahead. Many photos.

The day started pretty okay. I woke up at 9 plus, traffic was smooth and I was in time for class. Mr. B, my hot lecturer was hilarious as always. I was looking forward to having him as my paper’s supervisor but alas, luck’s not on my side.

After class, I met up with Andreas of alwayswow.com‘s fame. What a fun and intelligent guy! We had lunch at Chilli’s Bangsar. I had chicken salad and tomato juice. After lunch, I dropped Andreas off at his office and went back to college for the more classes.

Andreas’ burger.

My chicken salad.

Before Mr.J came in, we attempted to cheer ourselves up with some cam whoring.

My hot chicas – CP and Song Yia. Sorry, request for contact info will not be entertained.

My other sistas – Ju Wei and Eugene. Request for contact info will definitely be entertained.

Bapok pose. Thank you.

Mr. J’s class was terribly boring, as usual. I almost dozed off but thanks to his random shrieks, I managed to stay awake. It was with utter happiness that the gang and I left class for some refreshment.

CHEERS!

After the drinking session, we went back to class tipsy, giddy and happy. Mr. J’s class suddenly didn’t seem so boring anymore. Mr. J even asked for my name, apparently he think’s I’m an active participant in class, woohoo. However, as usual after barely an hour, my “allergy” to alcohol started to kick in. I was drowsy, hit my forehead on the table a couple of times.

CP: Yoooohoooo…KIM! Me: *mumbles* yeah?

CP: SMILE! Me: Uhuh…k.

After what seemed like an eternity, we left class for home. While waiting for our shuttle bus, suddenly I felt really sick. Abdominal pain, heaviness on the asshole and nausea. I tried not to think about it, hoping the pain would eventually go away. It didn’t. I rushed to the loo at 3rd floor (namely cause I was pressing the buttons frantically otherwise I would have used the ground floor’s) before my ass burst. Almost tripped on my panties, but I prevailed. Literally pissed from the ass.

However, my condition did not get better. Instead, I seemed to be having some fucking intense period pain. I actually screamed and groaned in the privacy of my cubicle, heard the door opened but slammed shut immediately….someone must have been spooked :P Honestly, I thought I was going to die. My friends called me many times on the phone but I couldn’t stand up to answer it. They finally found me after checking every floor’s toilets. I love you guys! *HUGS*

I wasn’t even strong enough to wash my ass, let alone opened the door for them. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, I mustered my last remaining strenght and called my Dad up. I was crying on the phone like a baby. After that, I puked. On the floor were remnants of the chicken salad I had at Chilli’s. And then every bloody pain I was having stopped. It was a bloody miracle, I tell you. Seriously, I thought I was going to be found dead, with my panties down, ass covered in shit water and legs encrusted in puke. Fortunately, it did not happen. I cleaned myself up and walked out with dignity.

I was so touched to see all my friends there, SY, CP, Eugene, Lawrence and Nick. They stuck by me, even missing the last shuttle bus. Then my parents came and took me home. My brother drove my car back. I was supposed to reach home early and celebrate his birthday. And he didn’t grumble a word. I love my brothers.

After much retrospective pondering, I came to a conclusion that it was the salad I had. So people, order at Chilli’s at your own risk. Remember, it was at CHILLI’S BANGSAR that I got food poisoning. My FIRST ever food poisoning. After so much of rodents, reptiles, raw meat, roadside meals, catpoop laden foodstalls’ food and various spicy food…..I succumbed to a bloody salad, at CHILLI’S B. A. N. G. S. A. R. The irony.

By the time I reached home, I was feeling fairly okay. Was not going to ruin my brother’s day so we stuck to the initial plan of feasting on seafood at Kepong.

First dish : Marmite Crabs. Better or equal to orgasm.

Don’t blame me, I was hungry I couldn’t care less for taking pictures.

The last dish: Deepfried softshell crabs with salted egg yolks. I could eat this everyday!

Birthday boy. No, he’s not simulating a blowjob. That’s Nicklaus on the right.

Dirty fingers. Dad guzzling beer.

I’m happy cause everyone sayang me so much today.

Truly, without the shit, you can’t find good.

++ Edit++

Oh and yeah…Mom’s car got stolen this morning. May them who stole Mom’s car upon entering Thailand, get into a horrible accident and then get sodomised by 14 militants – with their rifles. But anyway, thank you, we’re getting a bigger ride.